SO, YOU GUYS THINK SWEARING MAKES YOU COOL, HUH?

Hey, we aren’t Limp Bizkit or anything – we’re not gonna throw in a bunch of F-bombs because we think it’s shocking. But on Effing Chicago Tours, your guide might say things like “The old Sun Times building was a real piece of shit,” “The owner of that building is a major league asshole,” or even “When they light up the Board of Trade at night it looks awesome as fuck.” It’s just the way normal people talk.

AWESOME. SO YOU’RE NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT?

Oh, we’re pretty PC. You won’t hear us using words that are generally agreed to be racist, ableist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or any of that shit. Words like that genuinely hurt people. We follow the general rule of comedy: always punch up. And we don’t see who’d honestly be offended by “ass” or “bullshit.” (Sorry, donkeys and cattle).  While your mileage may vary a bit on what’s offensive and what isn’t, we’re generally nice people, and we expect you to be nice, too.

CAN WE DRINK ON YOUR TOURS?

Not usually. Strangely enough, the city won’t let us override rules about open containers. Some tours include a pub stop, or end at a bar, though.

ARE YOU FAMILY FRIENDLY?

Well, we think we are. But on any given tour there might be some sex jokes, some swearing, and shit like that. Use your better judgement. That’s all.

YOU’RE NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING MEAN ABOUT MY PRESIDENT, ARE YOU?

You bet your ass we are. If the tour route goes past the big silver building variously known as The Twitter Building, The White Supremacist Totem Pole, Individual #1 Plaza, The Putin Hotel, or The Clearly He’s Compensating For Something Tower, we’re gonna talk shit about the owner. If you can’t handle that, these tours are probably not safe spaces for you. Take your chances on some other tour.